Memories are Forever

The following books give hands-on projects for grieving families they can do to help remember their loved one.

“Crafts provide wonderful ways for grieving children to make things to help remember and share their special person who died…. Preparing and sharing their creations with other family members…invites quality time for telling stories and secrets and unveiling thoughts tucked deep in the heart.”  ~Sweet Memories, Elaine Stillwell

These books, though mostly geared towards children, can be used by anyone who has a need to do something to remember their loved one.

Sweet Memories, by Elaine Stillwell

This book gives children (specifically between the ages of 4-12) twelve different ideas for projects they can do to remember and memorialize their loved one. Each project includes a note for an adult who will be helping, a list of materials needed for the project, and steps for the child to take to complete the project.

On many pages it encourages the children to involve other family members and share their crafts and their memories with others. As Stillwell notes, “Involving other family members…makes the project even better, since it multiplies the memories, offers lots of discussion, and allows quality time for bonding and healing.”

It gives suggestions on what the ideas can include so the child will have a starting place.

My favorites are Joy Junk (a box of small items gathered that have definite connections with the person to be remembered; items such as comic books, photographs, an old report card, etc.), and the Memory List (where they make a list of things they remember about their loved one that made them special.)

From a note to the children: “Don’t waste another minute. Get busy rediscovering the special things your person loved…. Recalling happy times and happy things fills your heart with the specialness of the person you don’t want to forget. Telling your favorite stories and sharing your best memories keeps your loved one’s memory live in many hearts.”

Also from the book: “Sweet Memories is a wonderful lesson in caring and sharing and so special for young grieving hearts. Using materials that were associated with their loved one and with a hand from an adult, children can make projects which open doors to healing by sharing memories and reliving precious moments.”

A Forever Angel, by Elaine Stillwell

Ms. Stillwell lost her two oldest children at the same time in a car accident. The following Christmas, she had a difficult time getting into the festivities; but when she saw an angel at a local card store, it seemed to call to her. She purchased every angel she could find over the next couple months and labeled them to send to friends and relatives so that her son and daughter would be remembered. The tradition has carried on every year, and the idea has helped other families get through the loss of their children. This book was written to share the feelings that these angels brought into her life.

There are 14 different angel craft ideas, ranging from making angel cookies to angel potpourri pillows. My favorite is the Thanksgiving Angel Box which encourages remembering specific things about your loved one.

There are ideas for specific angels you can make for both Christian and Jewish holidays. It also details what to do when you are done making the angels and how to prepare them for sharing with others.

Stillwell suggests that you give the angels away, as she did, making sure each one is labeled with your loved one’s name and dates of birth and death. “Knowing your special person is remembered by others on those important days gives a big lift to your heart.”

From the book: “What makes Angels so popular? Do you think it’s because they make you smile? Or is it because they seem to stir up happy memories for you? Could it be because they make you feel good all over, like snuggling under a cozy quilt on a cold winter’s day, or jumping into a refreshing pool on a hot summer’s day? Or is it simply because they’re always with you, listening to the stories in your heart, seeming to sit right on your shoulder?”

Memorial Rituals Book for Healing and Hope, by Ann Marie Putter

From the introduction: “There are few opportunities in today’s “hurry up and be over it” world that afford the bereaved a safe place to talk about and mention a loved one. These rituals give family members a time and place to acknowledge the memories, to tell others of the significance of this person in their lives. …Rituals are important and creative ways to help the bereaved to heal.”

Though the directions for the rituals seem to be geared towards use in bereavement groups, they can be amended for use in a family or personal setting as well.

The 32 rituals are broken down into Holiday Rituals, Camp Rituals, Group Closing Ceremonies, Conference, Rituals, and Unique Types of Rituals. It also includes a good section of poems and meditations in the back that can be used with the rituals. There are references to both the Christian and Jewish religions.

Each ritual is named and details the appropriate ages to participate, the amount of time it takes, materials needed, and a full description of the ritual.

One idea is a Valentines Memorial that has each participant decorate heart-shaped valentines on which they write a message to their loved one. They can then put the valentines on a popsicle stick and take them to the cemetery to place in the ground. (If there is no close cemetery or the person wasn’t buried, it suggests purchasing a plant and placing it in the dirt around the plant.) Other ideas detail candle ceremonies or the placing of stones.

Also see:

• Grieving, Remembering, Healing – about healing from the loss of a loved one
• Memory Journals – for recording our memories of a loved one and how we are living without them
• Centering Corporation -  sells many unique books on remembering a loved one who has died

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