Why is Remembering a Loved One so Important?

Because remembering brings healing.

Our memories are a special gift we are given after the loss of a loved one. For a while, they may not feel that way; they may only bring sadness and pain.

But finding ways to remember and hold on to the happy memories we had with our loved ones are, in reality, an important part of living after loss, a necessary step on the path towards healing our hearts.

I wish I could tell everyone who has lost a loved one how important it is to let themselves, and their family, remember. Forget, if you can, the sickness, or tragedy that took them, but give them a place in your life….. We have memories to cherish, and we shouldn’t cheat ourselves by not doing that.
- Lettie Petrie, Bereavement Magazine

Do you worry that your loved one will be forgotten? That your own memories will fade over time? The very act of writing down or telling our stories helps them become stronger in our minds.

As you record your own memories of your loved one, search out the memories others have of them as well. Find out what made them special to others. In the stories you hear, you will find your own memories becoming more real to you too.

 

Tips for Remembering

Here are a few things to think about as you are deciding how to collect and preserve your loved one’s memories:

  • It’s about them – Make your remembrance activities a reflection of the individual, or how you remember him or her. If he was a photographer, let the presentation be centered around photography. If she was a collector, find ways to incorporate what she collected into the things you are putting together.
  • Find a buddy – This is not something you need to do alone. You have many friends and loved ones who would jump at the chance to recall their own memories or help you put this together.
  • The Good and Bad – Remember both the good and the bad. Your loved one was human, with faults of their own. When our loved ones are gone, we tend to put them on pedestals. But we can’t expect ourselves to live up to the image we have of them if it’s not a true image.
  • Learn – Prepare yourself for learning things about your loved one that you may not have known before. Dealing with these revelations can be challenging, but at the same time they can be cathartic and rewarding as you integrate the old with the new.
  • Live – Enjoy your memories, but don’t get lost in them. We live in the present, we have hopes and dreams for the future. When we let them, our memories can help us do both.

And the most important thing of all is to remember that these memories are meant to bring you and your loved ones peace, to help all of you remember the good times you had together, and to find joy in the experiences you shared.

 

One Response to Why is Remembering a Loved One so Important?

Quotes

In love longing
I listen to the monk's bell.
I will never forget you
even for an interval
Short as those between the bell notes. — Izumi Shikibu

The heart hath its own memory, like the mind. And in it are enshrined
the precious keepsakes, into which is wrought the giver's loving thought. — H.W. Longfellow

We do not know the true value of our moments until they have undergone the test of memory. — Georges Duhamel

While both joy and sorrow are fleeting, and often intertwined, love has the power to overcome both. And love can last forever. — Deb Fulton, in "The Power of Love" from A Second Chicken Soup for the Woman's Soul

Memory is a passion no less powerful or pervasive than love. What does it mean to remember? It is to live in more than one world, to prevent the past from fading and to call upon the future to illuminate it. — Elie Wiesel, in All Rivers Run to the Sea: Memoirs

In one of the stars, I shall be living.
In one of them, I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night. — Antoine de Saint-Exupery, from The Little Prince

To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die. — Thomas Campbell

Grieve not, nor speak of me with tears, but laugh and talk of me as if I were beside you there. — Isla Paschal Richardson

Remembering the past makes hoping for the future possible. — Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D., Center for Loss

What the heart has once known, it shall never forget. — Author unknown

He who has gone, so we but cherish his memory, abides with us, more potent, nay, more present than the living man. — Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

I have only slipped away into the next room, I am I and you are you. Whatever we were to each other, that we still are. Call me by my old familiar name. Speak to me in the easy way which you always used.... Play, smile, think of me.... All is well. — Henry Scott Holland

Recall as often as you wish; a happy memory never wears out. — Libbie Fudim

Give sorrow words;
the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart
and bids it break. — William Shakespeare, in Macbeth, Act IV, Scene III

If I am to wear this mourning cloak, let it be made of the fabric of love, woven by the fine thread of memory. — Molly Fumia, in Safe Passage

Let the joy of your loved one's life begin to take the place of the hurt and anger of the death. — Darcie D. Sims, Grief Inc.

Photographs are precious memories . . . the visual evidence of place and time and relationships . . . ritual talismans for the treasure chest of the heart. — Robert Fulghum, in From Beginning to End

Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy. — Eskimo Legend

When a once painful reminder evokes a gentle laugh, when we recognize the joy of the present in an image from the past, we have arrived at an important moment. Those memories are being transformed, unmistakably, into messages of hope. — Molly Fumia, in Safe Passage

Life is eternal; and love is immortal; and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight. — Rossiter W. Raymond

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